HUGE IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT

URGANT NEWS CONCERNING THE VOCATIVE CASE IN ENGLISH!!!!!!

We don't have one. That's the news. I'm emerging from my state of humble virtual reticence to address this burning issue. Because you know what? This is about the children: the children who are growing up in a cultural, linguistic abyss, in an English language without that subtle adornment, that grammatical concession to human interaction, the stately acknowledgment of personal address of the vocative case.

And so I hereby issue a decree: The English language shall hereby include a vocative case for nouns, and the form of that case shall be the ending "u," pronounced "oo."

I will now answer some common questions.

Q: What is the vocative case, o illustrious Susanna? When do we use it?

A: O respected readero, your very question calls out for the vocative case! The vocative case, for those of you whose education was unfortunate enough not to include Latin or Serbo-Croatian, is used for direct address. A grammatically appropriate form of your question would include the words, "O illustrious Susannu."

Q: Susanno, how do we affix the "u" to the nouns that we wish to decline in the vocative?

A: For words ending in a consonant, simply add "u". For words ending in a vowel, replace the final vowel with "u". Final "y" is replaced by "iu." Examples: "Americu, Americu, God shed His grace on thee!"; "Ceciliu! You're breaking my heart!"; "Hey, babiu, it's the 4th of July"; "Hey hey, good-lookingu, what you got cooking?"

Note in the final example that an adjective used substantively, as a noun, can receive the vocative ending. The judges are still out on this one, though; feedback would be welcome.

Q: I read the response to the last question; won't this mess up the rhyme scheme of a lot of English poetry and music?

A: Pre-existing verbal art will be grandfathered in. We will not change old sentences, just take care, when creating new ones, to give appropriate weight to the circumstances of direct address, a valued commodity in our increasingly impersonal world.

Q: What is being done to educate the English-speaking population about this valuable and important development, Susannu?

A: I thought the best way would be to publish it on this blog that no one reads.

NOTE: This post has been edited from its former version, which favored the "o" ending. An experimental period found the final "o" to be displeasing to the ear. I think the "u" will be more sonorous, and simultaneously more soft, more natural for the tongue.