So, Reading Public, I watched some TV this evening, and I am now able to answer several of the questions that have been plaguing us all.
Q: From what country is the world’s most productive individual milk cow? What other major world power is also very proud of ITS milk cows, thank you very much? What determines how much milk a cow gives?
A: The big list of the top 16 world milk cows came out recently, it seems. Somewhere in Russia, there is a wall covered with large portraits of these bovine beauties, with their names written beneath. At the moment of coverage by some Russian news agency, many Russian “cow collective” administrators stood about cow-covered wall and discussed with pride the milk-producing prowess of ... some Russian cow whose name I did not note but who made the list and who was later extensively filmed in her natural huge-metal-filled-cow-barn environment. But this cow did not occupy first place. The most milk-producing of all cows, in all the world, is a resident of... The United State of America. How about that. Oh, and as for the last part of the question, according to some Russian dairy worker interviewed, milk-productivity is determined by “attitude.”
Q: What is more annoying that rap music as performed by Whoopi Goldberg?
A: Russian dubbing of said rap.
Q: What is much more entertaining that American informericals?
A: American infomercials dubbed into Russian. They have to sound cheery and enthusiastic and stuff, and it sounds incredibly unnatural and forced. I know a lot about the 9-Minute Marinade now, though. It uses the power of the vacuum to get marinade deep down to the inside of the meats and vegetables- everyone will think you soaked the food for several days, but really it all just took nine minutes. They even throw in some handy plastic cutting boards, free.
Q: What is the cause of Russia’s recent demographic crisis, according to the solemn, serious expert on the news show “News”?
A: The population was in a bad mood. You’ll be glad to hear that the situation is improving.
Q: What is totally awesome?
A: The United States has a hockey-with-a-ball team! And they are, even as we speak, playing against Canada in some round of the world championship!
And here is the answer to another question, posed by one of you gentle readers, the answer to which I gleaned not from television sources but from Valentina Petrovna.
Q: In the Russian translation of My Fair Lady, how does Eliza sing about ‘Enry ‘Iggins?
A: In the Russian translation, Elisa has not a colorful accent but a speech defect. Is this sort of lame? I think so. Anyway, I received an account of the sounds that Eliza so amusingly mispronounces, but I don’t remember what they are.
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2 comments:
Bandy World Championships in Moscow perhaps? I almost went while I was there. Miss you.
i think milk production is really all about attitude, I mean you have to want it to win it right? keep up the good work
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